The Musick Room

There's nothing I like better than the clarity that comes after a rainstorm, especially when it's inside my head.

I love looking out the window after a storm has passed. The sky is clear, you can see for miles and clearly plan your next move.

This is the realization that I came to this evening. Well I didn’t JUST come to it this evening, I’ve been brooding about it over the course of the last month and a half.

Since I decided to leave CU, I’ve been a much happier person. I’ve finally moved schools and started on a real career path, it has given me a real sense of renewed purpose and drive. I just can’t wait to go and DO something.

However, though I feel renewed, there still was something that wasn’t sitting well with me. For the longest time, I couldn’t put my finger on it. For weeks on end I thought and thought about it but couldn’t come up with it.

I had tried to talk to a few people about the war that was raging inside but no one seemed to take the time to listen.

Then, I got a little clarity two weeks ago when I talked to Jorian. A few weeks ago, as was beneficial to both of us, we went spent some quality hours talking and laughing and sharing one another’s problems.

While I was talking to her, I realized what was bothering me. My entire college life, as well as a good chunk before, has been spent serving other people’s needs. Because of my nature and my interest in the well-being of others, I not only tuned into and tried to help other people out with their problems but I totally neglected my own.

From the paper to different friends, I spent more time managing different crises and fiascos than I did my own problems. What did it get me? Haha. Aside from a few moments the built “character” and a lot of workplace experience, I’m not left with much else.

I’ve made quite a few friends here, two of whom my life would be barren without. First of them is Rob. Not only are we born on the same day but we are so similar. He’s very much an intellectual match to myself. I can talk to him about anything and he’ll engage my on my level, something very few people have done.

Then there’s Jorian, the closest thing I have to a biological sister. I know a few people who I consider sisters but none are my age and none are like her. She’s the only person that really understands me at my core. I don’t have to tone anything down, mince any words or hide anything. I can truly be myself with her. I can say anything, do anything. Nothing is off limits.

Talking to her two weeks ago allowed me to see my major problem and the problem inherent in the last two years. It was after I talked to her that I realized I need to think and act more in my best interests.

Then, early this morning, walking back from the midnight showing of “Wolverine,” I started talking to Rob about my “legacy” at this paper and through that, my dedication to it. I realized that I’ve been pissed off by the lack of recognition I’ve received for the work that I have done it. Maybe it’s a symptom of my not acting in my own interests and in doing so have denied myself my own accolades but I’m still angry.

During the last meeting, our administrator had special symbolic gifts for our former editor-in-chief, our new editor-in-chief and our photo editor but nothing for me. I pride myself on my selflessness but not to the point where I’m just a spectator. That said, I'm okay with what happened at the meeting. That paper has given me more than anything else at CU has but it is just something I've grown tired of.

I hate to say this but I’m really ticked at the lack or recognition, tired of being walked on, and just aggravated that it’s taken me this long to recognize it. Most of me wants to go on to Metro and continue my entire life but a part of me wants to go back and stand up for myself just to see how things would be different. Seeing as that won’t happen, I'm moving on, taking the lessons of this stage of my life, as well as my new-found clarity, onto the next

Make sure to visit my brother Brett's blog at Allmotorsportswelcome.blogspot.com!